my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
