Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
