it's like her boobs came off with her bra
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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