I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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