The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
