Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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