dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
