Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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