So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
