we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
