I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
