He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
