Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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