It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
