i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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