my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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