I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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