If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
