She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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