But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
