I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
