My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
