He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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