My brain says no but my pants say off.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
