I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
