The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
