Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
