I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
