And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
