i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
