The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
