I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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