I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
