Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
