I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
