i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
