tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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