It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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