I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it because I queefed?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
