drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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