You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
