I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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