The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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