two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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