After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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