Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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