god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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