3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
