Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
