oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
