The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
