my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
