You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do herpes really smell.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
