I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
