He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
