My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
