it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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