Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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